At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
