she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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