I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
