You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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