Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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