So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
