2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
