I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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