Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she told me i tasted like america
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
