i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
