my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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