Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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