Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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