If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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