When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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