jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
