How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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