this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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