You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
