Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
