My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
