Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
