man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
