what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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