so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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