My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
