Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
