So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
