He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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