There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
