i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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