we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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