This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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