dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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