There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
40s are totally the cure
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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