Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
