Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
