He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize