i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize