NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
