His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
now i know why i became what i already was.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
