So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
