im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
