I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
