best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
