just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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