i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
