we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
