we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
