Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
