I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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