You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
