I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
