omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
