i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont even know how to be here
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
