I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
