Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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