saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
