Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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