Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
