Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I could fuck to npr.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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