last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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