Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
