Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
