Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
