I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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