Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
