i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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