I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
