Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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