Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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you inspire me to be a worse person
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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