I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
