I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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