I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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