Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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