Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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