Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
